What Do You Think for an Amateur Writer?
I’m a young teen amateur when it comes to writing. I don’t normally write more like read. I got inspired to write this story from an Ellen Hopkins book I was reading which short of reminded me of my own life. This isn’t the whole thing or anything, it’s what I’ve gotten so far. I wrote this in the last fifteen minutes. In the beginning my main character Adalyn is sixteen-years-old, and her mother, Catherine, gets killed in a car accident. Which is what she is telling you about in the beginning, This is all I’ve gotten so far, and I’m just wondering if any of you think it’s interesting. Please keep in mind I am an amateur and don’t have an experience with writing.
Thanks in Advance.
Have you ever felt a jolting shock rush through your entire body? Like an adrenaline rush flooding through your veins as if being in a getaway car doing one-eighty down the highway? I have. What gave me this wonderful exhilarating feeling? The sweet taste of my own freedom. Have you ever felt alone, scared, fearless with a slight bit of desperation hinting in your everlasting touch, in attempt to growing up fast? I am. I wasn’t always this way, it just seemed to all happen after my mothers passing. I can remember it just like yesterday…
The sky was painted with the colors of the sunset and the wind, pleading for a touch that never could have prowled my body.
My eyes fluttered softly, yet quickly, as if it was an ordeal that required much effort. The sound of the wind echoing throughout my ears as it froze the tops of my cheeks to a prefect rosy red color. I looked out to the distant forest trees covered with moss and fadeout climbing vines that ran up the big red oak trees, snow flurries started to fall. It was in mid January, coldest time of year in my opinion, roads were always iced here this time of year. I’d been alone all day, mom at work and dad on the road trucking.
I ran my fingers throughout my strawberry ringlet curls, and rubbed my warm hands across my cheeks in attempt to weaken frostbite. Feeling the warmness minus the cold sinking into my paper-thin blouse, I rapped my lightweight windbreaker around my scrawny waste and drifted off into space catching snow flurries on my tongue.
I stayed that way for half an hour until I couldn’t feel my finger tips anymore. This was the time of day I wish I had friends to hangout with. Being a loner isn’t the greatest feeling in the world. More like the world has fallen on top of you and no matter how much you struggle to get out from under, it doesn’t shift, and your stuck without a chance of escaping. Instead, I do this, drift off into space and find that one little happy place no one can disturb. It’s frustrating to me, I’m alone almost twenty-four seven. They say some time to yourself is good, but, not time by yourself all the time is healthy. Some say being alone so much will make you go crazy. If I go crazy I see myself becoming that strange old man from that 3 Doors Down video. No friends walking around in nothing but my underwear and sneakers until I hear a cry for help and transform into a superhero to save the day. Except I’d be the crazy loser with nothing but sneakers on searching for the Kryptonite to save myself from unreasonable expectations this world has for us.
I raised my head to the sky as the depths of the darkness started to peep through. The flurries have stopped as the night stars depart through the opening of beyond. I gaze into the dark and let out a deep breath and watch the white smoke blow throughout my pasty chapped lips into mist cold air.
“What are you doing?” Denver called from the glassed doorway.
“None of your business sum,” Denver’s my self-centered, so called logical unmanageably adaptable sister’s boyfriend; who has the idea of me being socially awkward because I choose not to be like my sister. If I ever had to pick a guy for Anna, if wouldn’t be anything like Denver. He’s what most girls lust for. The infinite beautiful sum of the earth type of guy. He’s already cheated on Anna three times with three people who clammed to be close.
What do you think? This is all I’ve gotten so far.
l0l, thanks. And my mistake I didn’t mean to put 15 minutes.
Not too many people can pull off the 1st person narrative. Plus, I lost interest in the lengthy introduction.
It’s very good writing! I’m impressed, especially if you claim to be an amateur who wrote this in the last fifteen minutes. The only thing I would change is the description of Denver as a "logical unmanageably adaptable" guy, as it’s a little long-winded for an introduction of a character. Keep it up, and good luck!
It’s good, but it’s way too wordy.
For example, you say: "Except I’d be the crazy loser with nothing but sneakers on searching for the Kryptonite to save myself from unreasonable expectations this world has for us."
You could shorten that to: "Except I’d be the crazy loser, with nothing but sneakers on, searching for the Kryptonite to save myself." Same meaning, less words. I think there’s a quote that goes something like "You know you’re done writing when you can’t strip it down any more."
It kind of gives the reader a headache. It’s very dense with adjectives and adverbs. Sometimes simple is best.