What Do You Think of This?
I wrote this a couple minutes ago. I sat down, and that’s what my fingers wrote. tell me what you think, I’ve never had like any writing teachers besides the normal coaching you get in middle school.
The Day I Washed Away Myself
I stepped on the scale, closing my eyes the way I always did, and sighed. I looked down, read the number, and sighed again. I undid my hair for the 20th time that night, and ran my fingers through it, sending the strands in a cascade across my face. I wrapped my fingers around my roots and closed my eyes. The music played in the back round, my personal music video. I walked out of the bathroom and back into my room. I stared at myself in the full-length mirror. I threw myself on my bed, burying my head in the fuzz of my teddy bear, throwing the thousands of blond strands around. And then I heard my fathers’ voice in my head,
“And it’s like you come to a point, you have a choice. And you can pick the easy way, and go left, and spiral inward, farther and farther each day. But you can go right. Its hard, but you can, you can spiral out, pull yourself out. You’ve got to look in the mirror and say, ‘Today I’m going to be happy, damit.’”
There was no more putting it off. I stepped up, and walked into the bathroom. I stripped off my tank top, my shorts, my underwear, and stood, for a moment, breathing. I stepped into the shower and turned on the water. I’m washing away my old self. I thought. There’s no more point in it. The water was hot, burning on my body. I wondered how hot the water had to be, to sterilize a soul.
The shampoo smelled clean, the way it always did. I ran my hands through my soapy hair, into the roots, feeling the thick, wet, weight of it. I washed the soap clear, watched it run down my body and down the drain.
I used about a third of a bar of soap, and then a lot of conditioner. I turned the water temperature down, the cool flowing down my body, starting with my hair and working it’s way over my shoulders and down my back.
I turned off the water completely, letting it drip into the sudden quite of the shower. I grabbed a towel and dried myself off, feeling the cool air on my damp skin. I wrapped my hair in a towel and grabbed a bathrobe. Now what I thought. What happens to me now? I’m a body, but my old spirit left. I need a new one. Where do you get a spirit?
Start with what you believe in. What you want to do. What makes you strong.
I believe:
In vegetarianism
In peace
In love
In mothers
In friendship
In miracles
I like to:
Feel the wind in my hair
Run, run, run
Dance
Sing
Cry
Go outside in the rain
These things make me strong:
My friends
Music
Myself
My family
I am:
a girl
strong
alive
a writer
These are the beginnings of a spirit. It won’t grow all at once. It is fragile, and can break in a moment. But it is there. And the little flame is definitely there. This is the beginning of a spirit, a soul, a life. Watch me grow.
I know i said i a lot. that’s cause i haven’t edited it much yet. sorry.
i think that’s beautiful.
you wrote
"I am:
a girl
strong
alive
a writer’
Remember that — you do not need yahoo answers to validate you… you write from your heart – with passion… that’s all you need…
As someone else who tends to dabble in writing, I quite liked it. As you said, yes it does need some editing, but overall I thought that the content was good. I liked how it started out and the overall message of it. I think that you should maybe sit down and develop it further. I would be willing to read more of this, it sounds like it has the potential for an interesting back-story as well as the potential for the journey of re-discovering one’s soul anew. Who knows, you could turn it an inspirational short story or play with it and after a fashion turn it into a novel. Now I don’t know what your educational background is but there are always writing clubs/classes you can join to combat any problems you have. Regardless, though, I think you should keep writing.
Hope I helped!
In the hierarchy of needs, you certainly answered many of the platforms.
In a literal sense, there seems to be a lot of self in what you had to say. If we don’t like who we are, how can we find our place in the world, and define ourselves in it. Sometimes when we feel too within ourselves, we need to start looking at outside influences/environmental awarenesses to help shape who we are.
If we do not like who we are, do we wash it away and start fresh, or do we leave our comfort zone, or the lifestyle we’ve made of ourselves and start again?
How do you feel now? If you feel dirty/unhappy again, it sounds like you need a major change. Who’s telling you what you should be like? What’s making you so unhappy–the source of what’s making you unhappy, not the result of your unhappiness…?
If you still feel newbornly free, I hope those freedoms you cherish so much will be available to you forever.